Milked. White Bear Theatre.

Written in 2013 and first seen a decade ago in a production at the Soho Theatre, Simon Longman’s slice of countryside-set dark comedy Milked gets a revival at the White Bear Theatre. The two-hander feels a tad overlong and lacks the bleak, compelling economy of Longman’s later, similarly themed, and much better Gundog. Crisp direction from David Bond and immensely likeable performances from Iwan Bond and Evan L. Barker, so fantastic together in the Lion and Unicorn’s equally grim serving of absurdism Discman, make for a solidly enjoyable production.

Paul (Iwan Bond) has a history degree and an urge to move from Herefordshire to the big city. He wants to work in media, but his “two weeks retail experience in a farm supply shop” and love of Tudor court politics do not offer much in the way of “transferable skill potential.” Hundreds of fruitless job applications leave the lad close to the edge of despair. Paul’s best buddy, the academically challenged Snowy (Evan L. Barker), lives on a sheep farm with a distant, traumatised, “shouty” father. Grieving his absent mum and devoid of a purpose in life, he spends his life on long hikes through a landscape that is, in effect, “a prison with no walls”.

The only beacon of light in the duo’s gloomy, aimless lives is their deep affection for each other: think a mash-up of Kerry and Lee from TV’s glorious mockumentary This Country and Didi and Estragon from Waiting For Godot.

Snowy encounters a sick cow on a walk, which he names Sandy. The duo soon find a kind of nobility and a much-needed common purpose: save Sandy’s life or, failing that, put her out of her misery. “I’m like the Mother Theresa of cows… we can do this,” he assures a dubious Paul. But how do you cure or kill a cow? Cue attempts at medication followed by gruesomely unsuccessful efforts at shooting, suffocation, and overdosing, amongst others. Animal lovers may feel poor old Sandy, whose fate is a metaphor for the seemingly inescapable burdens the characters face, ends up rather hard done by.

The narrative sidesteps the obvious question, ‘Why don’t we just call a vet?’ and focuses on the unravelling emotional bond between its two protagonists. Iwan Bond is tremendous as the vulnerable, sentimental Paul, who tells himself he has “the soul of a mouse”, though it is hard to credit someone with a first-class degree would be quite so irretrievably jejune. Barker is equally fine as the keen, childlike, but deeply resourceful Snowy.

Director David Bond delivers cleverly choreographed sung transitions between scenes that evoke the repetitive flailing events in the characters’ lives. Anticipate a brutal onstage physical altercation as Paul and Snowy’s relationship finally reaches boiling point, one that relies on palpable trust and immense chemistry between the two performers.

STAR RATING:  3 stars  

Writer:   Simon Longman

Director:   David Bond