Robin Hood (that sick f**k). Bread and Roses Theatre.

The show blurb for Robin Hood (that sick f**k) describes the piece as pantomime-noir, by which one supposes we should have in mind the kind of adult-oriented, dick-joke takes on Dick Whittington that populate Off-West End venues over Christmas time. A better description here might be fringe-style, gag-light, demi-pantomime. Yes, the show has some songs, a villain, and a couple of half-hearted attempts at “Oh No It Isn’t, Oh Yes It Is”. But never has 75-minutes been more desperately in need of a buxom dame, some boos and hisses, a bit of gender-bending, and more than a couple of decent double-entendres. This is “a genre you never knew you needed” the blurb tells us. Ain’t that the truth.

Baddie Robin Hood (Ashok Gupta channelling Dragons’ Den presenter Evan Davis) is a psychopath with an aversion to the law. Arson, kidnapping, and robbery are de rigueur, but the outlaw’s main affinity is for “killing shit”, a task he usually approaches using a dart to the carotid. Murders are generally followed by a swift visit to dispose of the bodies in a wood-chipping machine. His band of not-so merry men include Maid “when-she-sees-Robin-she-feels-a-throbbin’’” Marian (Sasha Brooks), Father Tuck (Jacob Baird in full-on Father Ted ‘Oirish’ mode) and Little Willy, whose main function seems to be to cue some “hold still Little Willy it’s pricking time” style repartee.

The good guys comprise the Sheriff (Hannah McLeod, “the top dog is a top bitch” we are told), love-struck macho-man DI Guy Gisbourne (Janik Rajapakse has the best of the evening), and seductive police psychologist Alexandra Monroe (a likeable Nisha Emich).  Baird makes a reappearance as the pronoun-policing, uber-woke Constable Connell as does Gupta as the mysterious office bod Brian.

Desperate to draw the outlaw from his Nottingham hideaway the good guys organise an international darts competition. But will Robin show up to show off his talents? Gisbourne meanwhile plans on doing whatever it takes to retrieve love of his life Marian from the bandit’s grip. “I miss you so much I’ve been wearing your thong” he confesses at one point, a declaration which suggests he may have his work cut out. The story drags in the second half, although things perk up a little when the police are called to account in a press conference. “Sheriff, you’re a hard working detective, how do you manage to keep your skin so smooth?” enquires the journalist from Cosmopolitan. Hard-working as the cast are, one cannot help feeling this genre needs a visit to the wood-chipper.

Writers: Jacob Baird, Sasha Brooks, Nisha Emich, Ashok Gupta, Hannah McLeod and Janik Rajapakse

Director: Hannah McLeod