It is difficult to know what to expect from a show with a title like Rehab The Musical. Perhaps a satirical look at some of the hackneyed tropes of musical theatre, or the raucous salaciousness of Jerry Springer The Opera, or a controversial Spring Awakening style exploration of teenage excess and descent into drug abuse. It certainly conjures up the idea of an off-duty Mary Poppins doing a cheeky line in the club toilets.
Actually, Rehab The Musical turns out to be none of these things. Instead, it is a rather formulaic feelgood musical romance with a whacking great load of F and C words thrown in. Neuter the language and strip out a couple of the songs (the show’s opening number ‘Wanker’ being a prime example) and you would have a gentle and undemanding couple of hours of take-your-mind-off things romantic comedy, fit for the whole family. For a musical about rehabilitation set against the backdrop of life threatening addiction, it often feels, decidedly sober.
1990s pop star Kid Pop (engagingly played by Jonny Labey as a kind of cross between Johnny Rotten and Johnny Depp’s Captain Jack Sparrow) fills his life with booze, cocaine, and easy women. He thinks he is having fun, but deep within his soul there is an empty hollow. When the star’s scheming and malevolent manger Malcolm Stone (a tremendously grouchy and gravel-voiced Keith Allen) and morally challenged sidekick Beth (the delightfully caustic Jodie Steele) set up a tabloid sting, the Kid faces a stark choice. It is sixty days of rest and respite at The Glades rehab centre or a spell in prison. All in all, it is a no-brainer.
Throw into the mix the pill-popping, pole-dancer Lucy Blake (Gloria Onitiri). She is desperate to get her son back from the clutches of his father and her suspiciously sudden arrival at The Glades may not be quite what it seems. But will the selfish and self-absorbed Kid seize the chance that rehab offers to confront his transparent flaws? Can he change his life for the better and find a relationship with meaning?
Book writer Elliot Davis inhabits The Glades with patients that occasionally verge on the cartoonish. Former ‘70’s Bond girl Jane (Annabel Giles) has an alcohol habit and an obsession with bedding female newsreaders. Cross-dressing Phil’s (Phil Sealey) food addiction jeopardises his dream of opening a Cotswold’s Cheese shop. Barry’s (John Barr on fantastic form) addiction to tanning threatens to turn him into a vivid shade of ginger. They are ripe with cleverly realised comic potential, but edgy portraits of lives wrecked by addiction they are not.
What is missing from the book, if not the songs, is a tangible sense of the anguish and sheer hard work that rehab demands of those who go through it. Perhaps the storyteller’s desire is to show a positive and optimist picture of what hospitalisation promises for the addict. Whatever the reason, one cannot help but think there is a bit of rose-tinting in the glasses of the writing team here. Have a glass of alcohol-free sauvignon and chill out a little, because the world will not end if you write a sadder, truer musical.
Of course, ultimately what makes any musical successful are the songs, and in the main Grant Black and Murray Lachlan Young’s music and lyrics are first class. It is in the bawdy ballads and rock songs that Rehab The Musical come closest to revealing real angst. ‘Poor Me, Pour Me Another One’ is a beautiful and haunting anthemic evocation of the addict’s inability to just stop. ‘Letters Goodbye’ describes the process of writing defiant and courageous letters to one’s addictions, demanding change. Best of all, the poignant ‘Museum of Loss’ in which patients list in harrowing detail everything they have lost as a result of their illness.
Keith Allen, who makes the most of by far the best of the show’s comic lines, thankfully does not attempt to sing. Instead, he declaims his lyrical contribution as if it were poetry set to music. But what a magnificent voice Gloria Onitir has. Her impressive technique, remarkable vocal agility, and a beautifully controlled expression provide the stand-out musical contribution of the evening.
Rehab The Musical is a fun, entertaining, and cleverly put together musical that may well end up achieving cult status. It could just do with being a little edgier.
Music and Lyrics: Grant Black & Murray Lachlan Young
Book: Elliot Davis
Director: Gary Lloyd
7 September 2022
Duration: 2 hours 10 minutes. One interval.
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